Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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