I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
