omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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