it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so much tequila, so little girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
