i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
