after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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