just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We left the knife in your bed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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