it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
