dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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