Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
