Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my being single is dangerous.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
