this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize