i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I understand Curling. That high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
