I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
