Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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