My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
