Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
