when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
