Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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