u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
