Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
