We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize