Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
