I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
