She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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