i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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