'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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