I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
