I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
