please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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