y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
