The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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