YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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