even my farts smell like vagina
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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