I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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