he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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