we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
