There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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