"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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