just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
