a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
a search helicopter?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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