That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
