oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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