I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
