I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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