if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
