i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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