It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
