p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
