bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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