Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
