Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
