I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Found the puke drawer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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