I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
