take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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