I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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