so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
