It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
