I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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