you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i now understand why vodka
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
