people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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