I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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