Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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