You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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