I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
