Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
